


These Veins

by tessdebelle



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, NSFW, Porn With Plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-01 11:32:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13997409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tessdebelle/pseuds/tessdebelle
Summary: Phil Coulson and Melinda May have been friends for years, but now it's different - now there is no one else getting in their way but themselves. Phil's best friend has just betrayed him in order to keep him alive, and S.H.I.E.L.D. is falling apart around them. With their entire lives crumbling to dust, the only thing to hold onto is each other. Takes place after 1x20 and follows canon from there.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fanfic based on the idea that, after the events of Nothing Personal and everything leading up to it, Philinda added casual sex to their relationship. I'm hoping to follow the events of canon as closely as possible with the addition of sex. This story will also include a lot of the missing scenes we never got to see on the actual show. Thank you and I hope you enjoy! Title is inspired by the song Let's Hurt Tonight by OneRepublic. Given the amount of angst we Philinda shippers deal with, I think it's appropriate.

“Huh.”

Phil sat at the table for a long few minutes, with May silent over him, looking at the text that read END TRANSMISSION. He couldn’t even process that it had been him to run this program, to determine whether or not it was viable. With the memories of the procedure, he could recall them vaguely due to going through the memory machine. These were absolutely foreign - it had been like watching a movie about himself, but one that was nothing like him.

He stood abruptly, pacing the room, panicking internally. May, sitting down on the bed, watched him panic. “You’ll tire yourself out like that.” She said, and he glanced up, sighing and sitting beside her on the bed, elbows on his knees and head in his hands, running them through his thinning hair.

“How am I even supposed to deal with this? I don’t understand what the hell is going on.” He said.

May sighed beside him and touched a hand to his shoulder. “You don’t have to right now. You have a lot on your plate.” She said.

He let out a dark laugh. “At the rate things are going there won’t be a time I don’t have a lot on my plate.” He said. She chuckled and he fell back on the bed. May turned to face him as he tugged off his tie, flinging it across the room. “I am trying to hold it together for the team. Fitz is barely holding it together, and Simmons doesn’t seem to trust me. Trip lost his friends and discovered that his mentor was a traitor. And Skye just became an agent only to get it all ripped away from her.” He said. “They need me, and I’m trying to keep from losing it, but I gave everything to SHIELD and it’s crumbling around me.” He said.

“And you hate the one person who could ever understand what you’re going through.”

Phil sat up, looking at her. “I don’t hate you, May. I couldn’t hate you.”

She looked down at her hands, the stoic mask falling away for the moment. “I know you’re still mad. But since it kept you alive, I really don’t regret any of what I did.” She said.

Getting up, Phil shed his jacket and undid the top button of his shirt, feeling a bit more like he could breath, before getting on his knees in front of May, making her look at him. “I might not be happy with what you did. But I think I would have done the same thing had I been in your place.” He said.

May smiled. “I know.” She said. He snorted and got back up on the bed, lying against the pillows, and she came to join him, pushing off her shoes and taking off her jacket, lying back in a black short sleeved shirt. The two of them laid in bed for a minute, just enjoying the peace and the weight off their backs - with no idea what the future held, at least the future would include them still working together.

“I can’t believe Ward had us trusting him for so long.” Phil said. May turned on her side to look at him. “He fooled us all. I have been lucky enough not to deal with much of double agents and untrustworthy people on my team, and I always thought I’d be able to spot it.”

“Yeah, well, I slept with the guy and I didn’t recognize it, so I think you’re off the hook.” She said. Phil winced, turning on his side to look at her.

He remembered that day in the car when she’d told him she was sleeping with Ward, and had flashed back to her telling him on a mission about her first date with Andrew. May always had seemed to tell him about the guys she was seeing, it seemed. And they always hurt her, and he always hated it. “Not your fault. He was good, clearly.” He said.

She snorted. “Well, for someone good, he wasn’t great in bed. Not bad, mind, but definitely not as good as he thought.” Phil grimaced, not sure if he was grossed out or humored by hearing this.

“Why did you do it, anyway?” He asked. May had used to date a lot of guys, and though he was sure she could do it, they’d all been civilians, and they hadn’t been no-strings-attached.

She shrugged. “He had just used the Berserker staff. Hitting things wasn’t helping.”

He shook his head. “You’re not that selfless. Okay, you are when it means saving people, but not when it means giving someone a good lay.”

She glared playfully. “Excuse you, I’m a _great_ lay.”

He grinned. Seeing touches of the May before Bahrain were always good. Her expression fell. “I work so hard all the time to not feel anything. To not think about Andrew, or about Bahrain, or about what my life would have been like. I still feel things, but I push them down so much that sometimes I worry I’ll stop feeling altogether.” She said. “Fucking Ward fixed that. Assuming lust is an emotion.”

“I don’t think it is.” He said taking her hand. “I’ve never seen you as being emotionless. Other people don’t know you as well as I do. That’s all.” Everyone thought she felt nothing, but that wasn’t true - she felt too much. “You could get sex from someone else, you know. Ward isn’t the only one who can do that.” He pointed out.

She chuckled. “I have a feeling the fall of SHIELD won’t leave too many eligible bachelors around.” She said.

“Well, Trip is good looking.” He pointed out grinning. May rolled her eyes. “Unless Fitz is more your type? Us nerds have got it going on.” He said.

She laughed. “Oh, that’s just what I need. I screwed Ward until Skye realized how she felt, maybe that’ll work on Simmons.” She said. He laughed with her, but his look turned serious.

Phil swallowed. “I mean, you could always use me.”

There was a long moment where May just looked at him. Usually he was pretty good at reading her expressions, but now he couldn’t tell. She licked her lips. “You don’t want that. You always wanted attachment.” She said.

“I can handle it. Can you really say you didn’t get attached to Ward? I can tell his betrayal bothers you.” He pointed out.

“Not because we were together. I was attached to him as a teammate. But I am going to kill him for lying to Fitz and Simmons and Skye. Not for what he did to me. I don’t matter.”

Phil smiled and rested a hand on her hip, getting a bit closer to her. “You matter. But I get it.” He said. “We can just go to sleep. But if you need… anything. I’m here.”

She closed her eyes and Phil sighed, sitting up, thinking that meant she wasn’t interested. Then, in the speed of less than a heartbeat, May had grabbed him and pushed him down to the mattress, straddling him and pinning him beneath her. She buried a hand in his hair to hold his head down roughly to the pillows and pressed her lips to his. This wasn’t a kiss - this was a battle for dominance, a fight made with lips, her hands as weapons stroking his chest until he moaned, opening his mouth and granting her access to it which she exploited with ease.

“Lin…” He groaned, hand winding up into her hair as she tugged at the buttons of his shirt eagerly and Phil used her distraction to flip them over. That was unexpectedly hot - he had never felt a desire to be dominant, but the idea of May trusting him enough to be on top or in control drove him mad. She pulled off his shirt leaving a thin undershirt, but he kissed her neck, distracting her to keep her from taking it off, ashamed of the large scar on his chest even though she’d already seen it. He pulled off her top kissing her collarbones and unhooking her bra.

“Maybe I shouldn’t trust you with that, given how long you took last time.” Melinda teased.

He rolled his eyes. “Are you trying to get me to stop?” He asked jokingly nuzzling her neck and down to her breasts as she unhooked the bra. He kissed down her breasts and took a nipple between his teeth, teasing it with lips and tongue making her let out the softest, sweetest noises he’d ever heard.

“No.” She managed as he turned his attention to the other, his hands working at his belt and pulling it off before discarding his pants. He came back up to kiss her lips - other parts were sweet, but they were his favorite - and nipped at her lower playfully as she pushed off her pants before shoving at his boxers. “In fact, I’m trying to get you to keep going.” She said, wrapping a hand around his thick length, making him buck forward. He hadn’t had sex since his death, and even then, he and Audrey were trying to make long distance work so he hadn’t had sex in a while before that. 

“Condom.” He managed, batting her hand away, struggling to think of where one would be.

She kissed his neck, distracting him. “There’s one in my bag.” She said, slipping out from under him with one last kiss to his jaw and going off to the bathroom while he admired her shapely ass in black underwear.

When she returned, Phil had dimmed the lights a bit - she might be absolutely stunning, but he knew he didn’t look like Ward - and was lying back on the bed, starting to worry if this was a mistake. Those worries were forgotten at the sight of her bare breasts and mussed up hair as she climbed on top of him, tearing open the condom wrapper and rolling the contraceptive onto his cock. He looked up into her eyes as she lifted herself up, hands on the headboard, and dropped onto his cock, making him throw his head back in pleasure and thrust up to meet her, biting down on his lip hard and swearing under his breath.

“Phil.” She whimpered, and he admired her ability to keep quiet - he might think she wasn’t enjoying this if he didn’t feel her so hot and wet around him. She used her hands on the headboard to hold herself in place and slowly lifted herself up before moving back down, giving him an absolutely perfect view of her breasts and the expression on her face. He searched for somewhere to place his hands - so many perfect curves on her body - before finding purchase at her waist to help her move, dipping down to kiss the tops of her breasts before one hand drew down to tease her clit.

As he stroked her clit, May threw back her head and groaned, and he wanted to do the same at the slightest change in angle that had him experiencing an entirely new sensation. “Lin…” He whined as she picked up speed, struggling to hold it together at the sight of her, and glad that she seemed to be having just the same problems. He tapped roughly against her clit, finding just the right spot that sent her back arching further than he’d thought possible and caused her to clench around him, legs tightening light a vice around his hips, as she let out a moan that sounded like his name. He followed her, his mouth buried at her neck, and came down with her, his chest moving up and down heavily with his breathing.

Phil felt Melinda moving and smiled, nuzzling her hair gently. Should no-strings-attached relationships involve him being so affectionate? Doubtful, but he was an affectionate person. She rolled off of him, onto the other side of the bed, but seemed just as tired and sated as he was. Phil got up and removed the condom, disposing of it properly. When he turned back around, May was already getting pajamas from her bag and pulling on an oversized shirt. He wanted to ask what this all meant, but had a feeling he wouldn’t get a clear answer, and instead chose to grab sweatpants and pull them on before retreating to the bathroom and get ready for bed.

Getting back into the room, he found her already asleep in the bed - luckily he’d gotten a larger one, in the hopes that she’d come back and they would need the space - and he joined her, slipping underneath the covers and just looking at her, sleeping, so at peace, before falling asleep himself.

* * *

Blinking his eyes open sleepily, Phil looked around the hotel room. He heard water running and figured May was in the shower. He got up, brushing his teeth and used the bathroom before getting dressed, and was just finished knotting his tie when she came out, wearing a thin towel, her wet hair drying around her shoulders. He didn’t know if he should mention last night. “I was thinking I might go pick some breakfast up for the team. Bagels. There’s no teabags by the coffee machine, so I’ll pick you up a green tea.” He said.

“Thanks. When you get back we should probably start making a plan for what to do next. There’s a lot I need to get caught up on.” She said. He nodded and left, getting into Lola and driving out to a nearby coffeeshop, thinking about what had happened last night.

Casual sex had never been his thing, and as far as he knew, it hadn’t been May’s. Casual relationships, definitely, but not this no-strings-attached thing. In fact, up until Ward, both of them had avoided relationships within SHIELD completely. It was a slippery slope, and he knew a lot of good agents had trouble juggling both lifestyles. Fury himself had said it was a risk - he’d always seemed to remind Phil of this when he had caught him looking at May a moment too long. He might have only had one eye, but he saw better than most the connection between the two of them. He ordered a dozen bagels, May’s tea, and a cup of coffee for himself, not adding any sweeteners to his - he wanted the bitter drink, to remind himself that he couldn’t just spend the morning thinking about May. He needed to make a plan of attack.

Returning to the hotel, he found May with an oversize pad of paper and a marker - how they used to plan out missions, before SHIELD had come into the more modern age and it was all computerized. “This is giving me flashbacks.” He said, handing May a bagel and her tea. “What have you got so far?” He asked.

She stood in front of the board, having changed into regular clothes, her hair just beginning to curl at the ends as it dried, and explained to him how based on their research, everything came back to Cybertech - that it ran the Deathlok program, and shipped machinery to Quinn, who worked for the Clairvoyant, who turned out to be Garrett. Garrett had planned Ward among them on The Bus to learn about GH-325. Everything was outlined in its own bubble. “I think the answer for what we need to do next is pretty clear, based on this.” He said. “We need to visit Cybertech. To figure out more about the Deathlok program, and why Garrett is so involved in it. Learn what they’re planning and what the hell they’re doing with GH-325. Why they seem to want it so badly.”

May nodded, flipping to a new sheet of paper and got started writing out everything fresh to explain to everyone when he heard the door opening and a sleepy Skye came into the room. “May?” She asked, sounding surprised and slightly more awake.

Coulson looked at Skye. She had been so strong the last few days, even though he could tell she wasn’t handling everything so well. The look on her face said everything - Koenig was dead, her first real family were falling apart, and Ward had betrayed them. He could tell she wanted to hug May, purely because May was part of their team who had returned rather than leaving or dying.

He wondered if Skye knew how May had reacted when Quinn had shot her.

“It’s good to have you back.” Skye said, crossing the room for a bagel and taking a bite before looking between them. “No one got me coffee?” She asked, pretending to be annoyed. Phil smirked. “Should be a machine in your room. When everyone is up, we’ll discuss plans.”

“Yes, sir.” Skye said, leaving the room with an armful of the team’s breakfast to give to the others.

* * *

Phil looked up, hearing a knock on the door to his fitting room. “It’s open, Fitz.” He said as he finished buttoning up the shirt that he’d been given - not his usual style, but it turned out plaid wasn’t a bad look on him.

“It’s me.” May said coming into the room and taking in him wearing plaid, smirking. “Nice outfit.”

He looked her up and down smirking. Simmons had her trying on what resembled a schoolgirl’s dress - plaid that matched his, white button down, the works. “Love yours too. We must have the same designer.”

She gave the little half laugh he’d gotten used to and turned around, showing him the rows of tiny buttons beneath the dress. “Do me?” She asked looking over her shoulder suggestively.

He smirked. Indeed. He came up behind her, starting on the rows of buttons, getting distracted by the long column of her neck and the bit of skin the white top showed. The bite mark was faint, but very much there. He had the urge to run his thumb over it - to run his tongue over it. He was quiet as he buttoned her up but when he got to the top he quietly said, “Speaking of doing you.”

May gave him that half laugh again, and he thought he saw the corners of her mouth turn up from what he could see of her cheek. “Thought you’d bring that up.” She said.

“Did you not want me to?” He asked.

“I didn’t say that.”

He had finished with the buttons and his fingertips crept along the top of the dress, feeling her skin. It was so soft. “Is that something you would be interested repeating?” He asked cautiously.

Did she move closer? He couldn’t tell, but she seemed to be leaning into him, leaning into his touch, her breath just barely catching. He saw her lick her lips and God, what he wouldn’t have given to taste them. “Are you offering?”

He dropped his mouth to the faint mark, pushing the dress to the side enough that he could press an open mouthed kiss there before pressing his nose against her throat, breathing in her scent. Green tea, lavender, and… He took another deep breath. Magnolia. He smiled. He used to be so good at ignoring the sexual tension between them and his desire for her, after years of being around her while she was with Andrew, but it had been years since then and he was out of practice. “I thought that was obvious.”

Melinda turned around to face him - he was struck, as he always was, by how, despite being so powerful, she was so small. She stood up on her toes and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He let out a soft groan and wrapped his own around her waist, pressing her close, feeling the tag of her dress rubbing against the fabric of the incredibly itchy sweater he’d been put in. He pressed forward until May’s back was up against the wall, the kiss turning more urgent as his hand slid from her waist to cup her ass as she pressed into him with a moan.

Her hands had begun sliding to the front of his shirt, intending to unbutton it, but Phil grasped her wrists. Maybe soon he’d be with her without his shirt on, show the scar so easily, but it was still too soon and he couldn’t handle that. Holding her wrists, he raised them above her head and held them in one of his hands while the other went to explore her body, not taking off the dress. He would have loved to tease and taste her breasts, but with them in a fitting room it didn’t seem like a good time.

Instead, he slid her thigh over his side to get better access and pushed up the skirt of the dress, cupping her through her thin underwear and making her bite his neck to hide a gasp. She was wet, and fuck, it only took him seconds to get hard just feeling her dripping against his fingers. Phil ground against her hip, groaning as he pressed his fingers against her fabric covered clit before pushing her underwear to the side and thrusting two long fingers into her while he rocked his hips against her.

With Melinda’s teeth digging into his neck, he couldn’t hear from her if it was good - not that he disliked that, her teeth felt deliciously painful - but with her hips rocking into his hand and the whimpers that just barely got out, he seemed to be doing something right.

“Sir? Do you have any idea where May is?”

Phil was shocked out of touching her by the sound of Simmons’s voice on the other side of the door, and May paused, removing her mouth from his shoulder with a whimper. “Oh, yeah, she’s in here.” He called out. May looked at him, panicked, but he nuzzled her neck reassuringly. “I was helping her zip up her dress.”

He slid his fingers out of her and helped her down, watching her as he licked his fingers clean and she readjusted the dress, checking it was fine, and he tried to calm his erection down. May left and he came out a few seconds later.

“I don’t think this dress will work, you look way too sexy.” Jemma said. Phil smirked giving her a look.

“I guess we will need to have matching sweaters?” He asked her with a grin. She rolled her eyes and went into her fitting room with another set of clothes. He winked at her. He’d make up their missed opportunity soon. Hopefully.

* * *

Phil’s hands were shaking as he stumbled through the halls of SHIELD’s new base, finding the room that he remembered May had taken - not too far from his own, thankfully. He didn’t bother knocking, coming in and seeing her asleep in bed. He wasn’t sure who else to turn to. When he was afraid she was the only one he wanted to see. Phil shook May awake, wishing he had the mental awareness to be gentle, jostling her out of sleep.

May sat up immediately, poised for a fight but relaxed when she saw him, though remained tense seeing the expression on his face. “Phil? What’s wrong?” She asked, her voice heavy with sleep.

He opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out, and he feared he’d sob if he tried. He didn’t know what was going on and was scared of himself, of what he could do. He took her hand, pulling her out of bed, not even noticing the shirt of his she’d stolen as he pulled her to the storeroom.

She fought at first but went with him, remaining quiet, thankfully. He pushed open the door to the storage room and showed her the wall.

Every inch of it was scored with the strange symbols that Garrett had been etching into the glass walls on the bus. Dust coated the flood and his palms, and the knife had fallen to the ground once the compulsion had ended. Melinda touched her hand to the wall, tracing over the lines, and for once, her expression was unreadable. “Did you do this just now?” She asked. Wordlessly, Phil nodded, feeling exhaustion taking him. He had no knowledge of how many hours he’d been carving, only that the amount he’d carved seemed like a lot.

May went to one of the crates and dug around until she retrieved a piece of paper and wrote something on it. _Dangerous - Do Not Enter_. She found tape as well and taped their note up on the door, before going to Phil and resting her hands on his shoulders. “Come on. You need to sleep. We can talk about this tomorrow.

He followed her to his room like a docile pup and let her strip him down. Before, he’d been bothered by her seeing his scar. Now, he couldn’t muster the strength to care as she urged him to lie down and joined him in bed, her head on his chest.

“I’m so scared.” He said, the tiniest noise. She rested her head on his chest and, if it wasn’t for the fact that it was May, he could have sworn her breath hitched almost like a sob.

“So long as I’m here, no harm will come to you. I promise.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, it's your friendly neighborhood smut writer who is currently ready to cry over how little the writers care about Philinda. have some fic

With the final slice of the knife through the wall’s plaster, Phil stepped back. When he was carving, it was like his brain turned off any other sensations - hunger, exhaustion, pain. One night after a particularly long carving session he’d just passed out from the need for sleep, his body completely spend, and woken up to May dumping him in a cold shower to wake him. She’d been quiet, but he could tell that she had been worried.

This time when he dropped the knife he wasn’t exhausted or ravenous, but he was covered in dust, so much that he had to lean against the wall and cough until he had cleared it from his lungs. May came to him, giving him a bottle of water that he drank from greedily. He wiped his face, finding a smear of clean skin beneath a thick layer of dust. May finished packing up the camera and came back to him, her hand rubbing through his hair. “You need a shower.” She said. 

Phil smiled and nodded. “Only if you’ll be joining me.” He said. May rolled her eyes and walked with him down the hall in companionable silence, getting to his room. Without a word, Phil shed his shirt and pants, heading into the bathroom and May followed after. They had a routine down at this point - he wasn’t allowed to carve unless she was there as well, and he only did it at night. She took pictures of the carvings as references for the team’s research. Being director meant he didn’t go into the field, so claiming that the two of them were sparring on those nights to keep him in shape wasn’t too much of a lie. And, the nights where the impulse to carve wasn’t so strong, that really was what he did. 

He took off his boxers and tested the water temperature, finding it comfortable, before stepping under the stream and watching as the plaster dust spun around the drain and away. May joined him, and Phil studied her hair as the water turned it slick and even darker, making it stick to her smooth skin. 

“They’re getting closer and closer together now.” He said, grabbing the bottle of shampoo he kept in his shower, the brand she normally used. He poured a generous amount into his hands and started running it over her hair. He found washing her hair for her oddly relaxing - it always brought him back after a carving session, and this was no exception. Phil felt himself calming, his shoulders relaxing and tension leaving his body as the scent of apple shampoo washed over him. He rinsed out her hair and started on the conditioner, May humming appreciatively and leaning into his hands. He smiled and finished with her hair. She turned and cupped his neck, drawing him down for a kiss that he reciprocated happily, wrapping his arms around her waist and sliding his hands down to grab her ass, pressing her to grind against his growing erection. 

Melinda pressed a long kiss to his neck before dropping another on his chest and following a line down, getting on her knees. “That will definitely make you sore.” Phil pointed out, his hands weaving through her hair. 

She rolled her eyes and wrapped a hand around his cock. “Let me help, Phil.” She said softly, kissing his tip and taking the head of him between her lips. He let out a hiss between his teeth as she sucked gently, and her mouth felt so good he wanted to sob. She moved forward a few inches, taking him deeper into her mouth and swirling her tongue around him, taking care to be incredibly gentle. Sometimes he felt as if he’d break when she touched him.

“Fuck.” He whimpered softly. “Fuck, Mel, I… That’s… Oh, god.” He said, hips rocking to meet her mouth. In the back of his mind, he reminded himself not to hurt her - not to slam forward like his body wanted to, not to grab her head and fuck her mouth like he did in bed to her hips and cunt. She always took care of him, and he was determined to do the same. His hand wound into her hair, but only to pull it back so he could better watch her. Melinda cupped his balls in her soft hands and he nearly broke his composure, but held onto it with tooth and nail, even as the control to keep his release back began to slip.

He came with a soft sob of her name, giving her hair a warning tug. He moaned feeling her swallow as she removed his cock from her mouth. He leaned heavily against the wall to keep from collapsing, and she smiled, seeming to enjoy how drained he was. 

Phil mustered a smile smile as she chuckled at him, and finished washing his body as she washed hers, letting her leave the shower first to wrap a towel around her body. He did the same, leaving it around his hips, and took a look at himself in the fogged mirror, studying his chest.

With the carving and being with Melinda as much as he could - for fifty year olds, they had the stamina of teenagers, likely due to so many years of waiting - he had gotten used to her seeing his chest. He was still ashamed of his scar, but at least she didn’t seem to be disgusted by it. Phil brushed his teeth beside Melinda - she had a spare toothbrush in his bathroom - and smiled at her from the corner of his eyes, taking out shaving cream and spreading it on his face before going over the stubble that had gathered there with his razor. As he shaved, he thought about what Melinda had just done to him - and how, the few times he hadn’t been exhausted from carving and they’d both been on the base, when he’d tried to go down on her, she’d always distracted him. He was terrible at not getting distracted by her, of course, so it was partly his own fault. 

He joined her in bed and Melinda curled against him. She never seemed to have trouble falling asleep.

He, on the other hand, was left lying awake, thinking of the carvings.

* * *

Phil walked through the halls. Ward had gotten out of transit between S.H.I.E.L.D. and his brother, and this had been a bad idea from the start. He got to his room in search of files necessary to deal with the paperwork side of Ward’s escape when he saw May there, packing up her bag of things that she kept in his room. “Hey.” He said cautiously, his hands twitching. They did that almost all the time now - the need to carve was daily at this point. “What are you doing?” He asked.

She stood up, shouldering her bag. “Going to find Ward.” She said.

“What? No.” He said, looking for the papers. “I need you on the base. It’s… Important.”

May looked at him, crossing her arms. “Of course you don’t need me on the base. There’s a manhunt out there for Ward, and he’s seriously dangerous. You need me out in the field. I’m the best agent you’ve got, and I know how Ward thinks.” She wasn’t bragging and she wasn’t wrong - he’d once said she and Ward were cut from the same cloth, but that wasn’t exactly true - they were cut from different cloths, in the same way. Ward a rough fabric that hurt, May a soft, sleek that protected and shielded. They might’ve had the same training, but he couldn’t think of two more different people.

“What if I carve again?” He asked tensely. “You said you had to be here whenever I carved.”

May cocked her head as if getting a read on him. “Well, Skye knows what is wrong, she can handle it. You don’t need me here, she’ll make sure you don’t hurt yourself - or anyone else.” She tried to pass by him with her bag, but Phil stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

“What if Ward hurts you?” He asked.

May spun, his hand falling off her shoulder and down to his side. “You know I can take him.” She said. “You’re messing up, Phil. This was just supposed to be sex, you knew that.” She hissed. He took a step back, swallowing. “You’re letting your emotions take control, and we both know that’s the worst thing that can happen. This is my job, and you might be the director, but I’m still in charge of you. Whether that means keeping you from carving or keeping you from making stupid decisions.” She said, adjusting the bag on her shoulder. “I’ll see you once we catch Ward.” 

With May gone, Phil was left in his room to think about what she’d said. Deep down, he knew she was right. His control had slipped and that was the last thing she’d wanted. He’d gone from a friend offering her help and getting comfort in return to someone asking too much of her. In their line of work, relationships just didn’t happen. Even so, that didn’t stop him from desiring one. 

* * *

Sebastian Derik was in custody, and Hank Thompson was being debriefed. Coulson felt a weight off of his shoulders at the realization that he was no longer controlled by the need to carve, but had the added weight of his team seeing him so out of his mind, and that he had been so dangerous, and had pointed a gun at an innocent man.

He studied the long gash on his chest, and the twin lines on his lower arms. Scars to add to the collection. He’d been hung by his wrists above the ground - wrists that now ached from the chains that had dug into his skin - and Sebastian had cut open his shirt, intending to carve into his flesh. He’d been going to let him do it, too - to save Hank and his family, yes, but also because he wanted to know.

Deep down, Coulson knew he’d never be so dark as to cut actual people in order to find out what the carvings meant. He could do it, but he wasn’t a killer. Not of innocent people, anyway. Not like Sebastian. He had to remind himself that he wasn’t like Sebastian, or he’d go mad. Phil sat in the med lab and took off his shirt. He knew the team was wary of him right now, and he was glad for it - he didn’t like being prodded. 

He studied the cut on his chest. It was right above his scar, and the fresh blood from it had dried onto the hair of his chest and to the scar. He remembered those last few moments, when he could feel himself dying from Loki’s staff, and had felt blood soaking his shirt. The thought that he had gotten comfortable with blood soaking his chest scared him.

Luckily, the cut didn’t seem deep enough to truly hurt him, but he knew he should keep it sterilized and bandage it. Phil went to one of the cabinets and grabbed a clean cloth, putting it under water to wet it and clean when he heard the door to the lab sliding open. “Simmons, I’m fine, I can handle it myself.” He said quickly, not desperately wanting to see her. 

“Usually that’s my line.”

He turned with the wet cloth in hand to see May. She looked him up and down, crossing the room and taking the cloth from him, wringing it out so it was damp and adding soap. “You did this for me last time. It’s only fair that I retaliate.” She said.

Phil chuckled. “Alright.” He said. She had yet to say how furious she was that he had gone into the memory machine, but he knew it was coming. He sat in one of the chairs and she cleaned the cut on his chest before doing the same on both his arms. 

For a few moments she said nothing, before finally speaking. “You probably don’t need me to tell you what a goddamn idiot you are.” She said.

Despite her being mad at him, Phil couldn’t help but smile. “We know what the carvings mean now.” He pointed out.

She glared at him. “Yeah, well, we also discovered that I now have a better reason to kill you than you going crazy.”

He laughed. He felt truly carefree for the first time in… Well, unless you counted thinking he had been in Tahiti, since before his death. Of course there was more to come, but… “You don’t have to kill me now. You should be happy.” He pointed out as she bandaged his cuts.

“I…” May’s jaw tightened almost imperceptibly - it was one of the few ways he’d learned to tell between her expressions. “You still shouldn’t have done it without talking to me.” 

“You would have said no.”

“Yeah, well, I would have also gotten a chance to say goodbye!” She snapped at him. Phil was surprised by the outburst, but he shouldn’t have been. “We fought, and I left, and suddenly you were back to begging for death, seeing god knows what, and going off to get yourself carved up like one of your walls. Forgive me for being mad that you have a death wish.”

“Can you have a death wish if you’ve already died?”

“ _ Phil! _ ”

“Got it.” He said, wincing. Maybe that was a bit far. “It was different this time. What I saw in the memory machine.” He said. “I saw all the patients in the T.A.H.I.T.I. program. They were all doing well like me.” He said. “Up until they saw the writing. Then they started carving, everywhere.” He said. “Screaming, crying. Sebastian started out cutting himself.” He said. May grabbed his wrist, as if worried he had done that as well, before letting go. “I saw myself too.”

“As the one monitoring them?” She asked.

Phil took a deep breath. “At first, yes. I was scared and they were horrifying. They had to be hauled away by guards.” He explained. “Sebastian was screaming that he needed to know when he was pulled away, and then… I saw myself.” He said, looking at her with haunted eyes. “I was screaming that I needed to know, and they wanted me to know. Like the carvings were alive somehow and begging me to find out what they were. I no longer have the compulsion to carve, but… I still want to know what that city is. What we’re looking for and why it’s so important.” He said. “But not like that. The man that I saw… I was terrified of him, and terrified that everyone would be scared of what I was. What I might’ve done in that state.”

“I couldn’t be scared of you, we both know I could kick your ass.” May said. “I knew things could get bad with the carving. But I’ve never felt you could hurt me.”

Phil took a shaky breath and smiled at that. “Good.” He said. “And what happened before… Are we okay?” He asked.

May winced. “We can’t do a relationship, Phil. You know that. Even without you carving.” She said. Phil nodded, because she was right. There was too much. And he was naive to hope that it could ever happen, even if the world calmed down enough. 

“For what it’s worth, I’d be worried about your safety even if we weren’t sleeping together. That’s just how friendship is.” He said.

May grimaced. “I don’t know which is weirder. Having sex with you or being friends with you.” She said punching his arm. Phil rubbed it with a wince and laughed. Sleeping together or not, colleagues or not, they were still friends. 

He smiled and cupped her cheek tenderly - probably too much, but it was just the two of them - and kissed her. May smiled into it - she seemed to have an easier time smiling in the middle of their kisses, or maybe it was that it was harder to keep from kissing him then - and he pulled her into his lap, hand on her back, getting distracted by the kiss and wanting her clothes off - 

Until he heard a noise and looked up. Fitz was standing at the door to the lab, staring at the two of them with wide, confused eyes, before running out clearly embarrassed and not sure what to say. May swore and got up, Phil wincing and doing the same. “I’ll handle it.” He said, pressing one last quick kiss to Melinda’s lips before going after the young scientist.   
  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place from 2x08 - 2x13.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise bitch, bet you thought you'd seen the last of this fic. Every time I moved to post, I ended up feeling like it was a bad time of day or I just didn't have time. Posting now and Chapter 4 shouldn't be too far behind, really excited for Chapter Six, though.

Walking through the plane to find Fitz and talk to him about what he’d seen, Phil saw Skye and Trip playing cards. Everyone had gone off on assignment, and he had a plan in mind for how to find out more about the alien city, but what was scarier than what was planned was the idea of talking to Fitz - a Fitz who, while he was improving greatly, still might not be in the right mental frame to understand what he and May were going through. Skye looked up at him and gave him a small smile that he returned before walking to the lab where Fitz was tinkering half heartedly with something. He closed the doors and sat, studying his work even though he hadn’t the faintest idea what any of it did - he only saw Fitz’s hands trembling as he worked and him struggling to control them. 

After a few moments, Fitz turned to look at him. “Sir, if you have something to say, you should… You should say it.” Fitz said. Phil smiled. He could see him improving, but knew he still struggled with a lot of words. He knew what happened to Fitz wasn’t his fault - he’d ordered him to remain back with Simmons and they’d disobeyed his orders. And yet, he still felt guilty for bringing him or Simmons into the field in the first place. 

“It’s about what you saw the other day.” Phil hedged as Fitz blushed, looking away and back at what he was working on, even though he clearly was paying attention to Phil. “That was very personal, Fitz, and we didn’t intend for you to see it.” He said.

“Well then maybe you shouldn’t have been doing… that in my lab.” He said. Phil winced - he was right about that. It wasn’t wise to do anything right in the open, especially with what he’d said before. He hadn’t exactly approved of Ward and May, and yet he’d gone against his own thoughts to be with Melinda. 

Men just didn't seem to be in their right heads around her. Was it because she was so attractive, or because she could break them with one hand behind their back?

Both. Definitely both.

“You’re right.” He said to Fitz. “You’re absolutely right, and I’m sorry you saw us like that.” 

Fitz looked up. “I don’t understand how people can… how people can…” He fumbled with his words and Phil, unlike Mack or Simmons, couldn’t seem to get in Fitz’s head and know which words he was searching for. “How they can compe-compar-” He trailed off, snapping his fingers in an effort to remember the words.

“Compartmentalize?” He asked and Fitz nodded, looking upset at not remembering the words. Phil smiled and rested his hand on Fitz’s shoulder, squeezing once and letting go. “Trust me, that’s something I really can’t seem to do either.”

Fitz gave a small laugh and a smile. “At least you’re with the person you want to be. Jemma and I, we couldn’t, I mean, she doesn’t - “ He winced again, going back to his toying until it fell apart due to his hands shaking. 

“Trust me, May doesn’t either.” Phil said softly.

“Surprised you two are together. Skye always said it’d happen though.” Fitz said and he laughed. “Agent May is scary.”

He smiled. “I’ve seen her in a lot of non scary situations, Fitz. You’d be surprised how not scary someone is when they -”

“Please don’t finish that sentence.” Fitz said. He laughed. For a moment he seemed like the old Fitz, but Phil knew they weren’t the same, and respected it - change could be good.

“I was going to say she’s not scary when she’s eating takeout while we look at paperwork. Your mind is dirtier than I thought.”

Fitz smiled. “Isn’t dating in S.H.I.E.L.D. hard? I can’t imagine dealing with a relationship on top of everything.” He said looking down. It was clear that Fitz had thought about this before, probably before he’d nearly drowned, when he wasn’t sure how he felt about Simmons. 

“It’s just sex, Fitz.” He said. Fitz grimaced as if disgusted by this thought and he smiled. “I won’t describe it if that’s why you’re making that face.”

“I’d rather you didn’t.” He said. “Is that what you want? W-with Agent May? You don’t want a…” He paused, trying to sound out the words in his head, and Phil waited, giving him time to answer. “A relationship?”

Phil sighed. He had tried to push away that question because he’d thought the casual sex thing could work, and yet… “I try not to think about that.” He admitted. “I’ll take from her whatever I can get and nothing more. And maybe one day, if she wants more… I’ll be there. Just like you will be for Simmons.” He said knowingly. Fitz blushed bright red, stuttering and dropping his tools. “You won’t tell anyone about this?” He asked, standing and smiling at Fitz. 

He nodded and Phil started to walk away. He had his hand on the door handle when Fitz asked, “When you think about it… What do you want?” He asked.

Phil smiled, not looking at Fitz and instead staring at his own reflection. “Melinda to be happy.” He said, before leaving the room. 

* * *

As the doors to the alien temple finally slid open, Phil stumbled in, his palms bloody and bruised from pounding on the doors. He took out his flashlight as Mack came in with them, and he saw pieces of some kind of black rock. He didn’t understand, and picked up a chunk of one until he realized that it was connected to some kind of blue cloth, and dropped it immediately.

Oh, no.

_ Oh, no. _

Whatever had happened with the obelisk in the temple had caused Trip to turn into the same black rock that had nearly killed Hartley. “He’s dead, isn’t he?” Mack asked, his voice wobbling. He’d just gotten out of whatever had been controlling him and was clearly unstable.

Phil nodded. “He shouldn’t have been down here. We shouldn’t have put anyone at risk.” He said. He saw Mack nodding and he moved on, seeing someone in the rubble and rushed towards it in a panic. He pushed away chunks of rock with his bare hands, finding Skye beneath it, unhurt. He touched his fingers to her neck, terrified he wouldn’t feel a pulse, but instead found one that was strong, but far from steady - far too fast. “We need to get upstairs.” He said. He heard footsteps and took out his weapon, pointing it at the temple’s entrance until he saw May stepping in and immediately rushing forward in panic seeing Skye. 

“Is she alright? Is she alive?” She asked, and Phil could hear the rare change in her voice that he sometimes heard, when it got just a little bit softer. 

“Yes, but we should get her to medical immediately. You weren’t supposed to come down here.” He said as Mack left to alert the team to Skye’s condition, and to Trip’s death, and whatever else needed to be done. 

“You were both down here. I wasn’t going to just wait to find out whether or not you two were alive.” She said as Phil picked Skye up, cradling her close in his arms, letting May inspect her as they walked through the underground city. They got to the hole and May went up first, returning with a team. Phil harnessed Skye in to pull her up, following soon after. When he got out of the city, people were swarming around her in hazmat suits, directing him to head to the plane along with May and Mack. 

* * *

Once Andrew was done with his evaluation and Phil was ruminating on what Skye should do, he went in to his room to find Melinda in his bed, comfortable, with a cup of tea. He knew she and Andrew had spoken, and that they really hadn’t talked since just after the divorce was finalized.

He had been talking to Andrew about the carvings. It had felt good to talk to someone who wasn’t Melinda - he could trust her with anything, but she would get upset in a way he’d rarely seen her whenever he mentioned where it might lead. He didn’t like hurting her, but talking about it felt good, so he’d started talking to Andrew. 

“Hey.” He said. She looked up and moved over in the bed, giving him space to sit beside her. 

“Long night?” She asked. He nodded, sighing and resting his head against the headboard.    


“I don’t want Skye off this base. I’m worried about what could happen.” He said honestly.

Melinda set down her cup and glanced at him. “What exactly do you think could happen?” She asked patiently. 

He ran a hand over his head. “I’m afraid her father will find her.” He confessed. “I know he was taken, or whatever, but we don’t really know what that means. It could mean anything. I don’t want her out there alone.”

“The cabin is perfectly safe, Phil. You were there with Cap, and you know all about Bruce staying there.” She said. “Is it that you want her safe, or that you want her safely here?”

“There’s a difference?” He asked smirking. “I want her safely here. I’m worried that without a team around her she won’t be protected. Especially with that teleporter in the mix.” He said, sighing. “How are you feeling about seeing Andrew again?”

Melinda grimaced, and he laughed. “That bad?”

She shrugged. “Not bad, just… Weird. We haven’t spoken in a long time, and -” She clenched her teeth before speaking again. “He says Bahrain so easily. He knows everything that happened there, yet he mentions it casually.”

Phil rested an arm on the headboard hoping she’d tuck into his side and find comfort in him. But she wouldn’t be Melinda May if she willingly took comfort in him right away. He knew Andrew knew more than he did, about what happened - all he’d heard was her sobs when it happened, and everything had been muffled, and the aftermath mountain of paperwork it had caused. The night she had decided to leave Andrew, she had broken into his apartment while he was sleeping and slept on his couch. He’d woken up terrified until he found the note with explanation. The next morning, he hadn’t asked about any of it, just made them both breakfast and tried to give her as much space as possible. He understood she needed it, which, at the time, wasn’t something a civilian could grasp.

“He had a picture of someone on his desk.” She said eventually. “I didn’t see who it was, just the frame. But there was a picture there. I think he must have a girlfriend or something.”

“And… How do you feel about that?” He asked. He wouldn’t lie, he had someone keeping an eye on Audrey - not enough that she’d see or enough that he checked, just someone who gave him updates every few months and kept him sure she wouldn’t get hurt. When they’d told him she went on a date with someone, it had hurt, but he was glad she had the chance to move on.

“I don’t know. I don’t want him to get hurt again.” She said. “And it’s not really fair of me to be bothered by it. Makes me a hypocrite. I shouldn’t care if he was seeing someone else, when you and I are…” She sighed and took a sip of her tea, avoiding defining it. 

“If Andrew wasn’t worried about me hurting you I’d think less of him.” He said smirking. 

“You couldn’t if you tried.” She said, giving him a flirty smile and rolling on top of him. Phil laughed and rolled her back, pinning her beneath him and biting her neck, sucking hard. 

“I think I might have to prove you wrong now.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, and the lack of smut in this chapter - I had it written a few days ago, but couldn't get AO3 to cooperate. Also, the conversation they have in the hanger is replaced by this one. Starts when they return from the Hydra Base.

Phil sat in a new room back at the base. His room had been torn apart looking for any clues as to where he went or how to open Fury’s toolbox, so he had a new room, which was small and uncomfortable. He missed his private bathroom - showering in the stall next to Mack’s was very strange, given the circumstances.

He was trying to make his way through some old files, not focusing well, when he heard a knock on his door. “It’s open.” He said. His lock had actually been removed, per Gonzalez’s instructions. The door opened and shut without him looking up, but he glanced from his papers and saw Melinda’s very familiar boots.

He looked up to see her, looking down at him, disappointed. “You said you’d apologize to me. I think now’s as good a time as any.” She said. 

Shrugging, Phil moved on the small bed to make room for Melinda. She sat beside him, but didn’t quite press close to them, keeping an invisible, untouchable barrier between them. “I understand that you’re mad.” Phil started. Melinda gave an annoyed huff, and he winced. “I really do get it. But I stand by my decision.” He said.

Melinda glared at him. “Really? That’s what you’re going with?”

He wanted to smile but couldn’t manage it. “Look. I know keeping Theta Protocol a secret upset you. I understand that.” He said. “But I was Director. I had to make sure as few people as possible knew what was going on, and you were not involved with it, so there was no reason to -”

“The reason was that you were sharing a bed with me and you were keeping secrets from me!” She snapped. 

“I was never bothered when you kept secrets from me. What about Bahrain? I never questioned you, I didn’t -”

“And we both know, it killed you that I didn’t tell you anything!” She replied, getting off the bed. “The girl wasn’t killed in the crossfire, that day. I did. I killed her to save everyone in that building.”

The tension had calmed and Phil looked down at his hands. “I shouldn’t have even brought it up.” He said, his shoulders slumping. 

“No, you shouldn’t have.” She said. “I only ever told Andrew. Back then, our boundaries were clear. I was married to him, and I worked with you.”

“Melinda…” He trailed off, looking up at her. 

“I think we should stop doing this.” She said. “Sleeping together is just making more problems and we keep hurting each other. It was great when SHIELD was being rebuilt, and when you needed someone while you were carving, but now all I can think of is how you lied to me.” She said. 

He wanted to protest, but she was right. He clenched his jaw and nodded. “You’re right.” He said. He wanted to fight her and, as she left, to follow her. But instead, he let her go. She left the room and didn’t return. 

One day maybe he’d have the courage to go after her. 

 

-

Phil sighed in relief when the numbing agents started to kick in. He’d been in shock and then severe pain for a good hour after getting his arm cut off - it still didn’t feel real. Simmons was in the med bay with him, bandaging his arm, wrapping it carefully. He didn’t like to look at the stump and he dreaded thinking about what was to come, about prosthetics.

He heard footsteps and looked up while Jemma kept wrapping and saw Melinda there, arms crossed. “I go off to save Bobbi and you get your arm cut off?” She asked with raised eyebrows. 

He smirked. “You really shouldn’t leave me alone.” He said with a small smile. They hadn’t spoken much at all since she’d left his room, other than basic things for missions. Jemma finished wrapping his arm.

“I’ll need to check on this every few hours or so.” She said. “And you should stay here in the med bay for now.” She turned around to see Melinda and ducked her head. “I’ll just, um, go check on Fitz and Skye.” She said backing quickly out of the room. Phil shook his head affectionately as Melinda took the seat she’d vacated and, gently, set a hand over the wrapped stump.

“Does it hurt?” She asked.

Placing his good hand on top of hers, he shook his head. “First I was just in shock. Couldn’t feel it at all. Little while later and it started to hurt, a lot. But Simmons gave me a lot of drugs that are just starting to kick in.” He said. “I’ll probably be loopy soon, so if there’s anything you want to tell me, now is the best time.” He joked. Upon looking at her face and seeing her serious expression, he started to worry it wasn’t a joke to her.

“What is SHIELD going to do now?” She asked. “Gonzalez is dead. So are Cal and Jiaying. Skye lost both her birthparents in one day.”

Phil sighed, pulling his hand and arm away from her and leaning back in the chair. “I had a thought. Kind of because of what we saw that Jiaying and the people from Afterlife were doing.” He said. “Those people were all incredibly powerful. Inhumans. If we’re going to have more powered people in the world, maybe we need powered people to fight back.” He said. “Gonzalez thought I was trying to collect powered people. I’m not going to do that, but maybe that’s the right vein of thinking. A team of powered people, to help deal with threats of those with powers. People who not only can physically fight back, but also those who understand the mental state of people with powers.”

Melinda sat thoughtfully. “I think you have the right idea.” She said finally. “But powered people are dangerous, Phil. You know that. Between what we just saw and what happened in Bahrain, is it really a good idea to put a bunch of them together and hope that they’ll make it work?”

He smiled. “They will. Because I want Skye to lead them.”

Melinda shook her head but smiled. “She’d be good at that.” She finally agreed. The two of them sat in silence for a few moments, and Phil thought about it. Skye was a natural leader - when Raina had taken him, she’d been in complete and total control of the team and had done it with grace and aplomb. She wasn’t exactly enthusiastic about it, it seemed, but she was good at it - he knew the feeling. He liked to think he was a good leader, but having that much responsibility wasn’t easy. “I’m thinking about going on a vacation.”

Her words drew Phil out of his thoughts and he looked at her in shock, chuckling out of surprised more than humor. “You’ve never taken a vacation. Not even when you and Andrew wanted to try for kids.” He said.

She was looking down at her lap rather than at him, and Phil could tell this was hard. “I know. Which means I have a lot of vacation days.” She pointed out. “We - I wanted to take some time off. Away from SHIELD.”

Phil smirked. “Does this have anything to do with Andrew?” He asked.

She glared at him, but he took it as mostly joking. “Does it matter? I won’t be a part of SHIELD. I can do whatever I want in my spare time.”

It wasn’t easy but he knew she was right. It was ridiculous for Phil to be upset. He would just… Miss her. Not even romantically or physically. She was his best friend. “Promise me you’ll be safe? Ward is still out there.” He said. She nodded and got up. He tried to stand up, but the drugs were starting to affect him, making him sluggish and loosening his tongue as well. “I lost my left hand. Now I’m losing my right.” He said, laughing to himself and looking up at her. She didn’t seem to find it as funny as he did. 

“I’ll see you s- Well. I’ll see you sometime.” She said, backing out of the room and of his life, leaving him feeling like more than just his hand was missing. 

-

Phil was working on some paperwork, trying to get the hang of doing it one handed. Luckily, he’d lost the left hand and since he was right handed it was mostly fine, but he had to shift through papers, turn them, and write all with the same hand. He continuously moved as if intending to use the left and then was confused when it didn’t work.

When his door opened, without any knocking, he turned to see Skye at the door. She seemed out of breath and concerned. He stood up immediately. “Did you see it?” She asked him, point blank.

“See what?” Phil asked as Daisy came up to his desk, pushing him out of the way and typing away on his computer. Phil, more or less used to this, just let her do so. Daisy pulled up the base surveillance and showed him the entrance, where May was carrying a large bag over her shoulder and walking out to a waiting car. 

Phil sighed and nodded. “Yes, she told me about it a few days ago.” He said as Daisy looked at him, shocked. 

“And you let her go?” She asked. “What the hell? Why didn’t you stop her? She said she didn’t know if when she was coming back, what if she decides -”

“Daisy.” Phil said calmly. Oddly enough his own panic at her leaving was lessened by Daisy’s reaction. He said down and Daisy sat in the chair across from his desk. “She needs some time off.”

Daisy seemed to curl up a little tighter on the chair. Phil understood why - she’d lost her birth mother, who she’d barely even known, just days ago. This had to be hitting hard. “Why?”

He winced. “Because I lied to her. And because this new SHIELD wasn’t supposed to be keeping secrets. She just needs to be away for a little while.” He said. “And I don’t blame her. I would take a vacation if I could.” He said, half jokingly.

“But we still need her. I need her and you definitely do.” She said, looking at him pointedly. “You’ll fall apart without her.”

Phil rolled his eyes, even though she was right. “Don’t worry about me.” He said. “And she trained you to be able to handle yourself. That’s what a good SO does - they train a recruit not only to be a good fighter, but to be able to take care of themselves in no matter the situation.” He said. “You’re an amazing agent, Skye. She wouldn’t leave if she didn’t think you could take care of yourself.”

Skye smiled sadly. “It’s not just that. I’ll miss her. Before… I used to be terrified of her. Now I think she’s a big softie.”

Phil laughed. “Good thing she’s leaving now or she’d kill you for saying that.” He said. Daisy laughed as well and got up to leave when Fitz rushed into the room. He was panicked as well, but even worse than Daisy had been - completely terrified. “What’s wrong?” Phil asked.

Fitz looked between him and Daisy. “It’s -”

He didn’t seem capable of getting the words out, his eyes wide as headlights. “Something is wrong.” He said. “I can’t find Simmons anywhere, sir. She just disappeared.”

-

Three weeks since Melinda had left, and she was always at the back of his mind. Sometimes it was a major thought, about how much he missed her, but other times it was just thinking about how good she’d be on a certain mission or something. He tried to avoid thinking about what she might be doing - as much as he was happy she could be happy with Andrew, actually thinking about it made things ten times harder for him.

He was just getting ready for bed when his phone rang. Phil glanced at it, seeing an unfamiliar number, but decided to answer it, since his phone was specifically designed to be untraceable. “Hello?” He asked.

“Hey.” 

Phil dropped the shirt he was holding, sitting down on the bed. It had only been three weeks since he’d last spoken to her, and yet hearing from Melinda after that long already made him collapse. He missed her so much. He licked his lips, trying to think of what to say. “Long time, no see. I mean, I can’t see you, but -”

“I know, Phil.” She said, and his heart almost melted because he missed her voice saying his name. It wasn’t even sexual anymore - he just missed her and missed having affection and someone to care for him. “How is everything?” She asked.

Phil bit his lip. “Not… Bad.” He said. “It’s… Things are pretty good around her. But really weird too.” He said smiling despite himself. “Skye started going by her birth name. Daisy. I’m not used to it.” He confessed.

He could almost hear her smirk. “And the initiative you talked about? A team of powered people?” She asked. 

“Going pretty well. Sk - Daisy will lead it, and I have Mack as a consultant for it.”

“Mack? As in… Mack?” She asked for clarification. “Wasn’t he quitting and vaguely terrified of anything Inhuman?” She asked.

Phil nodded, until he realized she couldn’t see him. “That’s why I thought he would do well handling the project.” He said. “Mack is overly cautious when it comes to them, so he won’t take risks or cut corners. He and Daisy are doing well together.” He said. 

“Smart thinking.” She remarked. “What about Fitz and Simmons?”

She’d missed a lot. He swallowed. “Not good.” He said. “Right after you left, something happened to Jemma. We don’t even know what. She disappeared after studying that weird rock we found on the ship. And Fitz is following every possible lead to find her.” He said. 

“Contact my mother if there’s any news on finding her.” She said softly. Phil could hear the change and worry in her voice, even if it was subtle. 

“Of course.” He said. “And… How are things with Andrew?”

 

Phil immediately heard her disappointed sigh. “You don’t need to tell me.” He said.

“That’s not it.” She said. “We stopped talking. He pulled away. I don’t know why. I just wanted to let you know. And if I’m not there it means there’s no conflict having him help evaluate Inhumans and work with Daisy’s team.” She said. 

He pressed the trace button, feeling guilty. He knew Melinda could take care of herself, but still felt it necessary to have an idea of where she was. “I’ll try to get in contact with him. Are you sure you’ll be okay? I guess that means you aren’t coming back.”

“I…” She trailed off. “I don’t know, Phil. I just need space. Can you understand that?” She asked.

“Of course.” He said immediately. “Be safe. Keep an eye out for Ward. Don’t do anything stupid.” He said.

“I won’t. That’s your job.”


End file.
